5 Keys To Understanding Your Sex Dream

Sex Dreams

In general, there are many reasons to try to remember and understand your dreams.

The No. 1 reason is it’s an excellent way to understand yourself better.

By understanding yourself, you can become more certain about who you are and what you believe. When you do that, you’re confident. Confidence is a positive state. Words like “dithering” and “unsure” have negative connotations.

That’s not to say it’s never right to be unsure of anything. Confidence should be based in reality.

Actually, too, admitting when you don’t know something shows a kind of confidence as well. Honesty takes bravery. That can backfire, however, if the other party expects you to know something.

For many people, many times, dreams about sex and love are fun. They’re often fun to have—and fun to remember. That’s not to say sex dreams are uniformly fun. Sex can be the stuff of nightmares, too. Either way, they’re relatively common. One study at the University of Montreal found 8 percent of remembered dreams features some sexual content.

Sex dreams can happen either in the middle of the day as a daydream as an idle fantasy or late at night.

The topics surrounding sex are major in life. Sex is at the bottom of the pyramid on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. That means it’s considered to be a basic need.

At the midpoint on the pyramid is sexual intimacy. That’s still pretty basic, but less basic than something like food, air, water, and various forms of security.

Sex forms part of what constitutes the core of who we are. Sex influences money, and the formation of a family. It influences friendships, jobs, children, self-identity, and pretty much everything else.

Sex dreams are a big deal – respect them

The tendency can be to laugh them off. Your instinct may want to trivialize them. That is to dismiss their relevancy with a statement like Oh, I was feeling a bit horny.

Or, I’m just naughty like that.

Or, I’ve been watching too much porn.

Maybe, I have too much of one hormone or another.

Decisions surrounding sex are something you want to get right.

Sex can be ridden with guilt like anything else you do. The purpose of guilt is to help us recognize when we could have made a better choice.

The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, gained insight into someone by trying to understand their stage of sexual development.

It makes sense to have insight from your dreams on dream themes related to sex. You’re better off understanding why you feel the way you do about certain things. By understanding the root of the feeling, you can change it if beneficial to do so. You can also support and strengthen it if it seems good to do so.

1. The other person or people in your sex dream is a symbol

Understand what that person symbolizes to your subconscious by considering it. A dream about a particular person can mean nothing more than you’re interested in partners with a specific hair color or something trivial like that. It’s not always about a particular person; it might just be what that type of person represents to you. Only you can truly know. Everything has to be considered in the context of the dream itself.

The sex dream may not even have anything to do with sex. Dream interpretation can help you solve 16 different types of problems, after all.

If you’ve never said more than 10 words to the person in real life, it’s hard to say you know them. What you do have, however, is a series of assumptions that you’ve made about them based on their physical appearance and how they said those 10 words. If you’re dreaming about them, then they are a symbol of some other feeling or idea. Try to discern what it is.

Once you realize what it is that the particular person is symbolizing to you, then you can know more about what appeals to you about a potential partner.

On the other hand, if you know the person you’re dreaming about well, then it is more likely that it is a dream about them.

Dreams are useful for seeing past the surface of a situation. When it comes to love and sex, there’s a lot that can distract all of us on the surface. Understanding that the person or people you’re dreaming about in a sex dream are symbols is essential to getting all you can out of your dream.

This goes for animals or any kind of objects that are behaving sexually in your dream as well.

2. Your sex dream won’t affect the real world by itself.

The two aren’t related. You can’t (reliably) dream something into existence. You have to take steps to achieve it or make it a reality in the real world.

Dreams are a place for your imagination and communication by your subconscious mind. A good vision is a springboard for success.

If you can dream it, you can do it! – Walt Disney

There’s that and other similar quotes. Sex dreams about another person are a fun place to linger mentally. Still, all of that fantasizing isn’t going to affect a real experience. It’s nothing but wishful thinking. If it happens, it’s a coincidence.

If you have a profound dream about someone that doesn’t necessarily have any bearing on your waking life beyond it giving you hints about how you should approach a situation or some understanding about it.

3. Acknowledge the dream, understand it, then move on

Obsession is the name of a perfume. Women’s magazines have run more than one article discussing how to become a man’s obsession. Obsession, in those senses, is a win.

But not really.

Being overly attached to anything so much so that you can’t get it out of your mind because you can’t think of anything else is a bad idea. If you have a themed sex dream or an episodic sex dream, try to figure out why.

If you have an obsession with someone and they appear in your dreams, you need to understand why. What do they represent? Write it down and then move on.

When you love, love people you know, and who love you back.

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4. Sex dreams shouldn’t be a competition.

There are skills involved in meeting, marrying, and mating. Starting a conversation is a skill. Dressing well is a skill. Getting a feel for social protocol is a skill. Websites, magazines, television shows, and websites that disseminate this knowledge can be useful sources of information. When they’re wrong, however, is when they discuss fantasies cavalierly. They turn them into some kind of idle perversion. They’re not, not usually. They’re personal.

They judge people for their fantasies and dreams. There’s no call for this. They are what they are. This person’s desires and fantasies are boring. This person’s ideas and fantasies show him to be a pervert. This is wrong.

If you’re anxious about your sex dreams, if they involve underage children, body fluids like urine and feces, or anything else you’d be reluctant to discuss in public you may need to seek professional help. Professionals can help you get the thoughts all sorted out so you can live your best life possible.

Sex dreams or fantasies aren’t or shouldn’t a competition. Other things make for better and safer contests. Dreams are usually communication from your subconscious for most people most of the time. Since sex makes up a big part of what it means to be human, they’re inevitable.

Keep sex dreams and fantasies in their place. They should never be something all-consuming. Rather, they’re a source of self and situational knowledge.

5. Sex dreams are a starting point

They’re not a destination or an endpoint. They’re the start of knowing yourself better. They can start you off meeting someone in real life. They can be a warning or a promise. They can be a sweet memory. Sometimes people want to make them into something more than they are; other times they don’t make enough of them.

Balance this emotional part of yourself with the logical part. Use the sex dream as you would another dream to consider what makes sense with what your heart truly wants, what God wants for you and to help you grow in understanding of others and the world.

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For further reading:

What’s the simple truth about a needs-centered dream?

Why you need to play every day

Planning your life for sleep success

Should you watch porn for sleep?

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