Is it an alternative to a sleep divorce?
Can it make sleep difficulties better?
Or only make them worse?
A lot of stuff published on the Internet seems to exist for one reason and one reason only: to sell something.
That seems to be the case with the Scandinavian Sleep Method.
The idea was featured in many online and print publications in the last quarter of 2022, and it’s been featured on TV as well.
It has an official-sounding name, but apparently, no research backing it up.
Several articles promoting it include no links to research. A search of an online research database also yielded no results, nor did a library or Amazon book search at press time.
What’s the Scandinavian Sleep Method?
The gist is simply this: a couple’s sleep will improve by using two separate duvets or blankets instead of one queen or king-size one.
The general idea is it prevents a couple from pulling the blanket off each other, leaving one out in the cold.
According to proponents, if you do this, then there won’t be any more fights over the covers. Further, each partner can pick their favored size, weight, and material. The Scandinavian Sleep Method also promotes the feeling you’re neither too far nor too close to your partner.
To the skeptical-minded sleep expert, it seems like a great idea to sell more comforters, sheets, duvets, and bedspreads, albeit smaller ones. It’s one of those ideas that might sound good on the surface, but after you really think about it, it’s silly.
It isn’t going to save anyone’s marriage or relationship.
You two really can’t compromise enough to be comfortable together in bed? Really?
The answer isn’t separate blankets or whatever. It’s to work on the give and take of the relationship. Compromises always have to be made. It’s easier if your values are in line if you want the same things out of life. Not everything is worth a knockdown, drag-out fight.
Can’t you settle down enough to keep from pulling the blanket off your partner?
Is getting the blanket pulled off of you that big of a deal? Can’t you creep in closer and pull the blanket back on?
There’s a natural give and take that’s present in any relationship. Without that, a relationship is impossible.
The Scandinavian Sleep Method only treats a symptom, not the greater issue.
It’s not going to address bigger sleep issues.
Here’s a short list of bigger partner sleep issues: snoring, keeping your partner up too late, or getting them up too early regularly. A lot of the issues can be solved by the normal give-and-take in successful relationships.
The Scandinavian Sleep Method will solve exactly none of them.
What’s a sleep divorce?
It’s the phenomenon where two people in a relationship sleep separately, like in separate rooms. The couple does it because there’s something about sleeping together that affects their ability to sleep well together, maybe sleeping preferences, motion, or personal habits.
Contrary to the implications of the term, it does not suggest any hostility or animosity. The decision is based on the understanding that getting quality sleep is essential for both partners and that sleeping in separate beds can be beneficial for both of them.
There can be very good reasons to do this on a short-term basis. It seems a disservice even to consider calling it a sleep divorce in that case. For example, if one has to get up frequently to take care of a baby and the other has to be at work early in the morning. Or if one has to recover from surgery and they’re especially tender after the operation. Or if one is in bed back from working a string of nights and they know they’ll be up incredibly early on their first night back.
Sleep divorce does not have to be a permanent solution. Couples can choose to sleep in the same bed if they prefer and can decide together when it is appropriate to do so.
A final word for trying to work out sleep difficulties
Bedtime is convenient when it comes to nurturing a bond between you and your significant other.
Whether it’s a few minutes of conversation, a goodnight kiss, or a cuddle session, taking the time to show how much you care and build your relationship is a good way to end the day. Intimate moments can help you express your feelings and deepen your connection.
And if you want to get technical, cuddling promotes the release of serotonin and oxytocin.
Making up the bed separately for two people interferes with this.
The Scandinavian Sleep Method interferes with the connection and communication (verbal and non-verbal) that two people can have.
Work your difficulties out. You’ll be better off for it in the long run.
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James Cobb, RN, MSN, is an emergency department nurse and the founder of the Dream Recovery System. His goal is to provide his readers with simple, actionable ways to improve their health and maximize their quality of life.
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